Rolling in the Deep

Wow, this week has gone by fast though it's been chalked full.  Yesterday (Thursday) we started out by walking part of the Belt line, a proposed trail that will go around the city where old train tracks used to be and homeless guys would sleep. Big John led us, and he is great. He knows absolutely everyone: homeless guys, rock stars, politicians--everyone.  It was a long walk and we didn't come across many guys, because they have all been cleared out for the construction. (We did come upon one fort that looked identical, only smaller, to the fort in "Where the Wild Things Are.") The team was good though and hardly complained at all.  After lunch at Little 5 we had a block party in a low income apartment complex.  This was definitely a highlight of the week for me.  We brought a football, and soccer ball and some chalk and just played with maybe 60 kids.  We had some water fights and got our hair braided and just had a blast.  There was no rim on one of the basketball hoops, and so for some of the smallest boys I let them shoot the ball through by arms, bending if necessary, as a makeshift net.  It was so obvious just by their actions that these kids were starving for attention.  One girl mentioned to one of our leaders that 15 people sleep in her apartment and there are only 2 kids. Though these children had homes they are clearly some of our "vulnerable neighbors." Kids are kids wherever and piggyback rides and a soccer ball will make the whole afternoon.  After the block party we had dinner and debriefing.

Today we started the day at the MLK jr. Center.  I've been before but still really enjoyed it. I think most of the students got something out of going.  Calling it a "museum" makes it sound boring and antiquated, but I think they all saw how relevant King's struggle regarding race and other forms of oppression still are.  Next we had a picnic at Renaissance Park.  It was great-- like saturdays but multiplied by 30.  All kinds of people eating, playing, talking together.  These kids that had been shy Tuesday were in the middle of it all.
I was getting frustrated because I seemed to be having conversations that didn't mean anything, one in particular with a woman who kept telling me about these specific paranoid conspiracies regarding certain shelters in the city, which I know are not true.  But I'm not about to argue with her about this.  I had also been scolded earlier by a crazy woman for only providing PB&Js and not sandwiches with meat.  When I told her we (COTS) didn't have the money she said that was a lie, that I'm white and she's black so I should provide that for her.  But she is obviously not mentally sound so again, I'm not going to stand there and argue about sandwiches with her.  Throughout the week I have had some good conversations, but have had a ton of surface level stuff, sports, music, chess, weather, and had been looking for something a bit more.  Gary told that he thinks it's about time that I (and the interns in general) start to push people more.  When you care about someone you aren't going to let them continue to hurt themselves, or tell you lies or excuses.  I believe this is true.  Especially with the people that I see regularly.  But 1) there are tons of people that I meet once and may never see again and 2) even the people I see over and over, I may have had largely more surface level conversation.  I've been trying so hard not to feed into the stereotype of going out looking to "save" or change people. I want to just make them feel human and loved. I want to show that I have absolutely no agenda, so if they want to share their story I would love to hear it, but if not I will talk about football. So I talk about whatever and don't always push for something deeper.  But I need to.  I saw students today talking to people I have known for weeks now and having amazing experiences with them, learning things about them that I haven't ever heard.  They know they have only a week, so they don't have time for surface level conversation and have to dive in.  I do deeper relationships with some guys, don't get me wrong, but I am too easily satisfied with the light stuff.

After the picnic we walked around our parish and then over to Wooduff, where it miraculously did not rain.  This was a nice day.  After yesterday, everyone was ready to hit the streets and talk to guys some more.  Then we went back to RA and had joint debriefing over the whole week.  It was great to hear everyone's stories, some incredible, but Andy explained that while these moments are great it's the in between mountaintops that really makes up ministry. We need to hold on to those moments but know that the bulk of the work is the day to day time where you don't see tears or transformations.  We also talked about how getting excited and feeling good is nice, but feelings aren't central... It's what we do, how we live that matter.
Then I got to sit in on some of Silverdale's (the great group worked with) team meeting and hear them lift each other up and encourage each other, and us.  It was a great first mission team experience. As Jenny said, it set the bar high.  However, all that being said, I'm also exhausted.