But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair

(I'm continuing with my song lyric themed titles)

Wow I just had a 4.5 hour dinner at Manuel's with Gary, Jenny, and Lauren.  We talked for a long time about COTS, and various ideas or concerns. Then finally Gary shared his story with us... all of it, with its movie-like drama and gritty details.  I'm not going to share it here; I will only say that he is an amazing man with an incredible faith in God, whom he has allowed to use and work through him. It was a challenging, encouraging, and therapeutic chat.  

I had been a little bummed from the day. Not terribly upset just a little irritated.  Beyond my cell phone being stolen, I had really wanted to chat with Jimmy about getting his act together and actually entering a program.  Gary had been talking to us about putting some pressure on people and I knew it was time for him to do it.  He has run out of excuses and I've known him long enough now, had enough conversations with him that I feel like I could really speak to him about this.  The morning has be carrying on and I go sit by Jimmy to talk but he gets up and starts talking to Jenny who he has been talking with a ton all morning already.  So they have this chat, and Jenny is putting pressure on him and he ends up crying, just totally breaking down.  Meanwhile someone whom I'm particularly not anxious to talk to sits by me and we have some random conversation.  I was selfishly upset that I didn't get to be a part of this emotional encounter with Jimmy.  I'm not close enough to many of the people on the street that I feel like I could step up and do this and there went my shot.  I should be simply happy that it is occurring, and I truly am.  But that should be sufficient and I find that I want to be a part of it.  I want to be used.  I'm impatient.  

I've been seeing quite a bit of change happening recently. One guy at retreat got an apartment yesterday, Josh is back and that opens some things up, Six (Joshua) has a temporary job.  Obviously not everything is going swimmingly, but things are happening around here. 

I talked to a newish guy today, Daniel.  He is just solid. He is a pretty big guy, with 2 sleeves of tattoos, but it alway looking out for people. He told me God has been using him in people's lives recently. He has been placed in just the right situations to help some particular women out, and knows God is present in this. He is grateful for this but wishes he could get some help too.  I felt his frustration, but want to be used how he is.  I guess everyone wants what they don't have.  

But talking to Gary was good, even just to see where he is coming from and that he gets frustrated too. But mostly he just trusts in God and lays everything on him.  I want it all in my time, how I can see it.  I'm only half way through this internship.  And who am I to say what it should look like. I've got to let God do the work.