Wednesday was another "set your own schedule" day, so after morning prayer we just walked around the neighborhood. We split up into 2 and 3; a mob of 5 white college age kids with backpacks walking together is a not conducive to good, honest conversation most of the time. So Jesse and I set off our own way in the heat. We talked to a few guys on the bridge, one whom I knew from a previous Saturday, so I called him over by name which I think surprised him a little. We chatted for a bit but he was on his way to meet a friend and get out of the heat (it was already scorching at 10am). We then went to St. Luke's park and talked to the same man, Emmanuel, about polyethylene and materials. He is a little out there, well quite gone actually, but his technical language is amazing and his stories are consistent if nothing else. We then went and sat down on the sidewalk to see who would approach us for a change. A few people said hey, but there weren't many people around, again everyone was trying to get out of the heat, so we went in for lunch. We had a great conversation about this job, is it worth it, and guilt, but I will get back to that later.
Back on the street we decided to head the other direction this time, down Ponce de Leon. We didn't stop and talk to many people, but it was still nice to get a better feel for the area. On the way back we stopped and talked to some guys. One guy asked Jesse for water and he said he didn't have any. Then he asked Jesse to buy him some McDonald's and Jesse again, politely said no, but sat down and talked with him and the guy didn't dwell on it or try to pick a fight but actually engaged in conversation. It seems just a natural thing to ask for these things from people who he knew could provide them, especially when most people say yes or just avoid eye contact all together. But Jesse broke down those expectations and tried getting to know the person beyond his basic needs. Anyway while they talked I talking to this other man, Larry, from Arizona. He noticed the "sH2Ow Some Love Shirt" I had on, so we ended up talking about Africa some and then about Arizona and Atlanta. Then a friend of ours from the street came up and offered to buy Jesse and I lunch, but seeing as how we had already eaten and he was clearly drunk, we turned him down. But since he was drunk and bothering the other guys we walked away and back to the office.
Andy came in shortly after us and we asked him about some of the things that we had discussed over lunch. I had said to Jesse that sometimes (on an almost daily basis) I ask myself, what am I doing? What is the point of just talking to these guys? They have needs and I am going to have a conversation with them and may never see them again... But I do believe in COTS mission and as I saw with Jesse earlier, the importance of moving away from just delivering physical things to this demand (as Andy would call it, being a personal ATM) and actually interacting with people. There are services out there for food, clothing and all that. That's not what I'm here for. I am here to be a friend. So then we talked about how weird our internship is. Really COTS shouldn't even exist because everyone should be with and for their most vulnerable neighbors naturally. But since that isn't the world me live in, COTS is here to break that cycle of broken community.
We also talked about guilt and not feeling guilty saying no every once in a while.
Overall the day was hot and frustrating but I can feel these questions that have been lingering really surface.
Thursday we spent the whole day at Safe House, a parter organization of COTS. We worked with Ken in the Problem Solvers office which deals with crisis needs (people looking for somewhere to stay, food, baby products, ect, urgently). This office also has a phone and a mail center, so people who have no home can have an address to receive mail. Besides the fact that there were a few too many of us doing the work that 2 or 3 people could have done, it was a good experience and showed me more of the resources and how to find additional help. It was actually quite humbling to see how much I don't know, and see that even after being on the streets these few weeks and learning so much there are still so many organizations, resources, and processes I know nothing about. A homeless volunteer came in and worked with us and brought her 2 year old son Jordan. We interns, especially Jenny and I, probably spent more time with Jordan than doing actual office work. I figured it was probably nice for him to get attention and play, also it kept him out of the way. Plus he's great and I had a fun playing with him. It was strange to spend the day inside, and though I talked to guys as I searched for their mail, it was a different experience talking to them indoors while doing a task rather than out on the street. It is inherently rushed and surface conversation. I was providing a service; when they got their mail (or not) they were done and left. Unlike on the street where the object is conversation itself, and not limited by other tasks.
At about 6 we headed over to the lot for Thursday night hotdogs. We just hung out for a bit. I didn't see some of the guys I normally see. I talked to a few guys but as the vans pulled up everyone headed over for the food. This whole experience (that of a "drive-by church") wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but then again I didn't stay for the service. I didn't actually see tracks (little booklets about the Bible) being handed out though I heard they were. There was tons of food, but the church kids would go around handing it out and really not saying anything to the guys. I talked to 6 and Tony and some of the guys from Retreat. I even ran into a guy, Mark, that I met one of the first saturday I came about 5 months ago. Some of the people assumed I was with this church (of course) and would ask me about the food or program and I would explain that I had no idea. This is a bit frustrating, but understandable. Before the actual preaching part started 4 of us interns left for dinner, and then marathon reading!
Today we didn't actually spend any time on the street. After prayer we discussed the reading and that lead to some good conversation and questions about truth, justice, and forgiveness. My head was hurting a bit trying to understand all of the philosophical concepts behind simple words like "truth", but I enjoy wrestling with it. We talked more about the topics of the day before, saying no, and guilt. I have issues with this, more than I realized. I always tell people on the street that I'm from Atlanta (which is true) but when they ask where I try to avoid saying Buckhead. I feel guilty and smug just saying it. When I say Atlanta I can see people's reactions, often I can see barriers fall because I'm from here, their neighborhood. On the other hand when I have been backed into a corner and say Buckhead, it feels like walls go up-- there is an immediate disconnect. "You are just another rich kid from Buckhead, what are you doing here?" I can almost hear them think. But this is who I am. If I want to actually have friendships with these guys I need to let them in and be honest with them. Not boastful, but not deceitful either.
Later we broke for lunch (at Chico and Chang, a classy Mexican/Chinese restaurant that we have been eyeing...) then ran some errands. When we got back Andy talked to us about what we do with mission teams, the first 2 groups come week after next. Even the idea of mission teams with COTS is strange so we talked about why we do this and what it means. I'm kind of excited for groups to come; though my focus is the men and women on the street, it will be interesting to have a new role and schedule. But I feel responsibility, not just to keep them safe or teach them anything, as much as simply to already be committed and have established a presence in the community here. These teams are an extension of the interns so if I don't already have relationships to established I cannot possibly lead or show these kids in any way.
I feel like I have learned this week. But every time I learn or start to grasp one thing I become aware of just how much more I don't know or understand. It has been good to stop and think through some of these ideas, but I'm excited for Saturdays on the Street tomorrow--to get back out and hang out with these guys.
word on the street in bikinis!
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