To being an "Us" for once instead of a "Them"

It has been a roller-coaster since my last blog.  Last weekend we had a weekend team that I will only mention briefly, because they were only here briefly.  They were a quiet group, but there was one 13 year old boy who blew me away.  He talked to us staff and interns with ease and was the first or sometimes only one to initiate conversation with the guys on the street.  When I got to talk to him and hear some of his personal story I was even more impressed at his attitude and initiative to come join us on church on the street.  He was a blessing over that tired weekend.

Last week with no team was fairly uneventful, but it was nice to sit down with friends or meet someone new and not have to worry about 40 students roaming around.  Wednesday Gary, the interns, and some of the volunteer staff and regulars at Retreat went to Six Flags.  Despite the record heat, it was a blast.  We shared rides together, told stories in line, laughed, and just had a great time together.  It did not feel like work (let's face it, it wasn't).  It was just a group of friends hanging out at an amusement park, enjoying summer; never-mind the mix of nationalities, races, socioeconomic status, or backgrounds represented.  Gary seemed to love it even though we couldn't get him to go on but 2 rides.

Speaking of Gary, he gave the lesson at St. Paul's this past Sunday.  The message was great--based out of John 15 (one of my favorite chapters) but really hitting the whole Bible.  He spoke about abiding in God, seeking him and letting him rule your life instead of anything else.  One line that stuck with me went something like, "We are satisfied to have a savior but we don't want a Lord." It reminded me of what we just read, Discipleship by Dietrich Bonhoeffer. In the beginning especially Bonhoeffer talks about cheap grace: how we will all jump on board for a God that will rescue us, but we are not then willing to devote ourselves to simple obedience to him, to let him rule over us.  It's something I'm still greatly struggling with. Besides the message, I really enjoyed Sunday in seeing who came to support Gary.  Again people of all backgrounds, some differing beliefs, but all dressed up to worship the same God and to encourage a friend.

Today was the first day with our last mission team, the team from Lauren's home church.  They have been wonderful so far. They are here for an extra day so we had them do some things for partner ministries that we don't usually get a chance to work with.  But this meant I did not know at all what the day was going to look like.  Things kept changing and certain things took much longer and hit an obstacle that we hadn't anticipated but overall it went well.  Even though I knew it would be fine and could have gone much MUCH worse, in the moment I was getting quite frustrated and anxious that we didn't have enough to do, or that plans were changing constantly.  Plus we got caught in some serious rain after some time on the street this evening.  A verse that has been following me around this week (and my whole life) is Matthew 6:25-34 about not worrying.  I know it does no good, but I do it anyway, and the world is all about worrying.  What are we going to do after college? How am I going to make money? What if this or that happens?  I always struggle with insurance and savings.  How do we act as responsible stewards but not rely on earthly goods and worry about the future? I don't know and I have digressed a bit into deeper water.  Today was simply a good lesson for me on flexibility and faith.

This has gotta be the good life

The team this week was great. Having 6 teams in 3 weeks, I was feeling less than enthusiastic but the group was great and their energy helped me.  Even though not everything went smoothly (mainly with our work in the shelter), everyone remained flexible for the most part. Also they were good at talking to the guys (Will even said something about it) and I actually got to talk to some friends and meet some new ones myself, instead of supervising the whole time.  We walked something in the neighborhood of 9 miles one day, we mopped floors another day, and spent hours in the hot summer sun with guys on the street or kids in their neighborhoods, but we all had a good time.

I actually got to have some deeper conversation about God and marriage with a guy that I usually talk with about more surface stuff.  I also had some good conversation with Jennifer which I have been hoping to do for some time.  Though we don't always see eye to eye on everything and I challenge her frequently, I can see she is so determined to get passed some things she is struggling with and I think she really heard what I was saying today.

 On a completely different note we had some big news going around this week.  One of my good friends from the street thought he might have cancer but got some results back on wednesday that show it is not!! I'm so thankful. Another friend I found out had lied to a bunch of us about something and is now in jail.  It is disappointing to have someone I thought that I could trust let me down.  I have been better lately about not being cynical, but this blow hurt and obviously makes me question more of what people tell me.

One good thing about mission teams is that when we talk to them and debrief at the end of the week I listen to their comments of what they have learned and I get to rediscover all the things I have learned myself.  One student talked about talking with the guys and forgetting that is was his task for the day. He wasn't evangelizing or having even particularly deep conversation, but it just felt like taking a break, sitting with some buddies and I remember those times when I first experienced that.  One major theme this team touched on was deepening existing friendships.  We set out this week to love people and to get to know them. Some people share with us their lives and messy pasts.  One girl noted that she had learned more about some of these guys in a few days than she knows about some of the people that she has grown up in the church with.  This really compelled me to not only love my friend and neighbors, but to be intentional about getting to know them and drawing into deeper relationships.

It occurred to me today that we only have 2 weeks left. I can't believe how fast it has gone by.  It has been an awesome experience and the weirdest job I could have imagined probably.  We have one team here this weekend, one week off, then a team for the last full week.  I pray I can finish strong and continue to see things in a new light.

Serve God love me and men

"Love that will not betray you, dismay or enslave you,
It will set you free
Be more like the man you were made to be." 

-Mumford & Sons, Sigh No More

We had another mission team this week. Besides not wanting to blog because I was getting home at 11:30 each night, I also don't want to be repeating myself with the day to day itinerary we have with each mission team.  So I will skip around, give some highlights, but mainly just random thought from the week.

Tuesday on our walk I ran into  a a bunch of my friends on the street, people I have seen day in and day out and I am always drawn toward them. It is nice to know people wherever we go, but I have to intentionally try and still meet new people.  At Woodruff Park we ran into a woman who needed help. She actually didn't approach us but was walking with another guy who started talking to us and called her over to explain her situation.  She started to tell us how she was stuck here and needed to get a bus home, and I immediately started thinking "this is the most obvious hustle for money there is. I'm not giving her anything." She never actually asked us for money but instead asked us to use a phone. Still coming off of the sting of having mine stolen myself, Andrew let her use his.  She made a call as we continued to talk to her friend (or really a guy she had just met) and after  couple minutes she hung up, handed the phone back, and said someone was going to meet here at 5 points! I had dismissed her, but by just giving her a little chance, a simple favor we (or Andrew rather) kept her off the streets that night.  You'd think after doing this for over 2 months I would realize that everyone has a story and I need to listen and offer whatever I can, but I have to work to not become cynical by all the games that I do see around me.    

One night this week some of us went out late with the mission team (this was not a COTS endorsed program! just something they wanted to do independently and we joined them). We were downtown late when me and 2 of the boys stopped to talk to this man sitting on the sidewalk outside a McDonalds.  He had crutches leaning next to him, a swollen ankle, and a urine bag attacked to his abdomen. It became clear after talking to him for a few minutes that he also suffered from some mental disability.  Anyway we talked to him for a bit and one of the boys went to go get him a hamburger. about that time two cops came over on bikes. They started telling the man he needed to move along.  We stayed for a moment but after giving him his food, we said our goodbyes and walked away, trying to not make any waves with the police.  One of the policemen rode up behind us and asked if we needed directions.  I said no and that we were just walking around with some friends in the area.  He started to ride off but before he did he blurted, "Stop feeding the bums! They are like cats, they will keep coming back." I was so mad. I could physically feel a knot in my chest, and was glad that he rode off so I won't even have to fight to keep from responding to him.

Thursday we walked part of the belt-line and met two men named Herman and Willy. I talked more with Willy. He has been homeless for about 30 years.  We didn't talk for long before he pulled out a small photo album and began to show us all the pictures, and with pride explaining who each person was and a little about them.  Herman was scrounging up chairs for people, trying to make them as comfortable as possible.  It seemed like such a natural thing that you might do at someone's house: sit down, pull out the photo album and get to know the family. It just so happened that their "house" is under a bridge.  

Something I have been thinking about this week and last week is a point that was made in one of the books we have been reading.  The author explains that the story of the good Samaritan starts with the question "Who is my neighbor?" This question is a negative question, limiting. It really implies, who isn't my neighbor? Who don't I have to love? And after Jesus tells the whole story, he doesn't say "everyone is your neighbor", or "love everyone in need". He asks the question "Who acted as a neighbor?"  He flips the question to a positive call to action and refuses to limit.  He basically says, you are asking the wrong question! You are focusing on who are "they", when you should be focusing on who are you.  Not are they worthy but what could you be doing? 

As many times as I have heard this story this flipping of the focus has never been clear to me. The message always looks to what the good Samaritan does and not how Jesus frames the story.  But I think it is so important to see.  Andy always says that COTS shouldn't have to exist.  People should love their neighbors anyway. If we took this verse seriously, COTS would not be needed, but that's just not the world we live in.  

In general this week it has been evident to me that some of these people are really letting me into their lives. I'm learning more about their struggles, plans, and needs.  We are not offering "services" but do try and help our friends with their particular needs.  It is a slow, often discouraging, nonlinear path, but every once in a while you get to do something for some one.  And even when I can't do something for someone, just getting closer and sharing our lives together is amazing.

I have re-realized how little I actually do.  I'm not "evangelizing", feeding, helping fight addictions, or any of that.  I am listening to, laughing and sharing with, and occasionally challenging people.  I believe that these do matter. But just like any short term mission trip, I am taking away infinitely more than I am giving.  

I've got Nothing to Do Today But Smile

The past 2 days with the mission team have been great.  Yesterday Big John led us all over the city and met a bunch of people.  It's was cool to see kids (and leaders) branching out and talking to more and more men and women on the street; a few of them having very emotional encounters with these strangers.
In the evening we went to Kids Club with an organization called Night Light.  Night Light works to rescue women from the sex industry and part of that means prevention. The average age of entry into prostitution in the US is 11-14 years old. So Night Light works with kids to provide them with a loving environment, teach them about Christ, and show them a different type of life that is available to them, apart from gangs, violence, drugs, and prostitution. So we went to an "at risk" neighborhood and hung out with these kids; playing games, worshiping, coloring, just having a great time.  I've gone to Kid's Club quite a few times but it has been about a year. So going back it was nice to see that there are a bunch of the same kids there.  They didn't remember me but I remembered a handful of them.  There is something about playing with kids, especially kids starved for attention that can completely lift your spirit. One girl was a little shy when I tried to talk to her, but would not let me walk away. She held my hands and sat in my lap, just trying to get some affection.
The whole mission team seemed to be enjoying it (especially in contrast to walking in the heat). One girl in particular had been talking earlier in the day about how she wanted to start a program that does basically the same thing, even before she had heard of Night Light. So this mission team decided that they are going to try to start something similar in their city when they go back home and she can help run it! So the evening apparently impacted the kids and their leaders pretty seriously.

Today we started out working at the shelter disinfecting beds. The group really didn't complain, though this wasn't the most fun of tasks, and we got it down quickly. So we had some time to check out the art gallery and chat with the guys on the street before lunch.  Then we hung out at Woodruff for a bit. While we were hanging out, just talking to folks, getting to know them, some men came through handing out tracks that say "if you die tonight are you 100% sure you are going to Heaven?" on the front and then have verses and prayers that well help save you.  It just makes me sad that this is what so many people think this is how to reach people and change lives in some meaningful way.  We saw Ed (and Lucky).  They seem to be doing great and Ed just got all these new supplies to start doing tattoos again.  Eventually Joshua (Six) came by and starting making spoon rings, so he was a hit quickly.  Everyone is drawn to him. You can just tell he is a good guy. Plus he loves the attention and being able to make others happy.  He told us tonight that he knows he is called to encourage others.  For instance, one of the girls later told him about a friend in the hospital, and so he is going to write her a letter, this girl he has never met.  Not exactly the stereotype of a homeless guy.
After Woodruff we went to Centennial Olympic Park, we gave them some instruction and left them behind, with only a time and place to meet us.  We interns enjoyed some dinner and a long walk back, as we stopped and talked to people.  We stopped at the top of Pine and talked with some of the usual suspects.  One woman, who has cussed me out and yelled at me on several occasions has been easing up recently.  We have not been on friendly terms quite yet, but at least not hostile ones.  Well today she took my hand and slipped my spoon ring on her finger.  I knew she already had one but I told her she could keep it. She immediately gave me a huge hug and kiss on the cheek. While I appreciated that the next part is what really made it worth it: she started sharing some of her life with Andrew and me, about her son and husband and bout some of the struggles she has gone through.  We didn't get to talk for long before we had to part ways, but by me reluctantly giving her a simple little ring I was able to communicate with her in a way that I have been hoping and praying for all summer.  So this could just be a momentary turn around, but I will take it.

And the World Spins Madly On

I'm sorry for my lack of blogging recently. I've been too busy being on the street to write about it.  So having gotten backed up this far, I can't give a play by play of the days.
I have been "lacking in zeal" (Romans 12) recently, in many things, including my attitude on the street.  It's strange how days can all be so different, different people and stories, but all start to sound the same and feel the same.  So I've been impatient and maybe even a bit calloused.  Some great things have been going on.  Jimmy has an ID and is finally going into a program, other people seem to be making progress. But at the same time others have disappointed me.  Some one who told me they were going to change something that they finally recognized as a problem, an hour later was doing that very thing. Another guy that I talk to most every time I go to the lot, was a bit drunk the one day. When Lauren said she would see him another time, he said he hoped not. In fact he hoped she never came back.  This hurts, all of us.  What are we doing if people we spend time with daily want no part with us? But today he said he was happy to see us. He also tagged on that he loves us.  I'm not naive enough to think that he will always be happy to see us, or that we mean as much to him as he does to us, but even if that was just an off hand comment it still meant something to me.
Today was the first day with 2 new mission teams.  It was hot and humid and even rained on us a bit.  Still the groups were great about it, getting out and talking to people.  There weren't very many people around at the bottom of the lot, when we first arrived, but I had this group following me so I looked around and went up to someone.  He looked vaguely familiar but I never would have remembered his name.  He didn't remember my name but clearly remembered seeing me around and talking to me.  He was so sweet and asked us to pray for his Uncle.
We walked up to the top of the lot, and it really was just like meeting up with old friends.  Cody, Will, Mike, Robert and some others all up there; some greeting me by name and a sweaty side hug, others with a smile or handshake. Even though I couldn't talk to them long because I was mostly concerned with watching the students, it encouraged me. It was just another one of those glimpses--ahh, this is what community is.
We did a bunch more walking and I did get to meet some new people.  The groups met a ton of people, some of my friends as well as guys I've never met.  I hope they enjoyed it, but the day was refreshing to me.  We didn't save anyone, get anyone into a program, or anything dramatic. We just talked and laughed some. But I felt loved and welcomed (which I know I've said before but who can have too much of those).  I'm looking forward to the rest of the crazy week ahead.

Let Freedom Ring

Today we got back in to the swing of things, sort of.  We had class in the morning, discussing John Perkin's "With Justice For All."  Then in the afternoon we went out into the parish, but it was pretty empty being a holiday and early in the month (many people just got there social security or disability checks).  We went up on Peachtree a little looking for a woman that stays with some of the guys from Retreat and has been struggling lately.  She wasn't there, but we met a man named Tommy and later ran into Daniel as well.  Tommy is an older man, and a veteran from Vietnam.  Today being the 4th of July everything was closed.  Non of the programs that I know of were feeding or offering any services.  So here was this Vet siting in his wheelchair with nowhere to go and no apparently the police are arresting people for having big feedings for the homeless.  We talked to Daniel for a bit and Mike came by after walking to Safe House only to find that they weren't offering food or mail services.  So after some more talking and walking Lauren and Jenny and I took Daniel and Mike to lunch.  They were very grateful and we all had a good time.  Today was not monumental but was nice, and a reminder that it's the day to day going ons that make up the bulk if ministry and life in general.

p.s. We had and are supposed to have a ton a rain this week. So please pray for out friends sleeping outdoors.

But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair

(I'm continuing with my song lyric themed titles)

Wow I just had a 4.5 hour dinner at Manuel's with Gary, Jenny, and Lauren.  We talked for a long time about COTS, and various ideas or concerns. Then finally Gary shared his story with us... all of it, with its movie-like drama and gritty details.  I'm not going to share it here; I will only say that he is an amazing man with an incredible faith in God, whom he has allowed to use and work through him. It was a challenging, encouraging, and therapeutic chat.  

I had been a little bummed from the day. Not terribly upset just a little irritated.  Beyond my cell phone being stolen, I had really wanted to chat with Jimmy about getting his act together and actually entering a program.  Gary had been talking to us about putting some pressure on people and I knew it was time for him to do it.  He has run out of excuses and I've known him long enough now, had enough conversations with him that I feel like I could really speak to him about this.  The morning has be carrying on and I go sit by Jimmy to talk but he gets up and starts talking to Jenny who he has been talking with a ton all morning already.  So they have this chat, and Jenny is putting pressure on him and he ends up crying, just totally breaking down.  Meanwhile someone whom I'm particularly not anxious to talk to sits by me and we have some random conversation.  I was selfishly upset that I didn't get to be a part of this emotional encounter with Jimmy.  I'm not close enough to many of the people on the street that I feel like I could step up and do this and there went my shot.  I should be simply happy that it is occurring, and I truly am.  But that should be sufficient and I find that I want to be a part of it.  I want to be used.  I'm impatient.  

I've been seeing quite a bit of change happening recently. One guy at retreat got an apartment yesterday, Josh is back and that opens some things up, Six (Joshua) has a temporary job.  Obviously not everything is going swimmingly, but things are happening around here. 

I talked to a newish guy today, Daniel.  He is just solid. He is a pretty big guy, with 2 sleeves of tattoos, but it alway looking out for people. He told me God has been using him in people's lives recently. He has been placed in just the right situations to help some particular women out, and knows God is present in this. He is grateful for this but wishes he could get some help too.  I felt his frustration, but want to be used how he is.  I guess everyone wants what they don't have.  

But talking to Gary was good, even just to see where he is coming from and that he gets frustrated too. But mostly he just trusts in God and lays everything on him.  I want it all in my time, how I can see it.  I'm only half way through this internship.  And who am I to say what it should look like. I've got to let God do the work.  

Working for the Weekend

This weekend we had to a week's worth of ministry into really one day.  Saturday on the street was good, bigger than normal.  Mostly the same faces. Dr. Love came by and drew an amazing chalk Jesus on the sidewalk.  Some regular's played chess.  Josh, a guy we met the first week that Jenny really connected with, showed up and hung out with us.  He talked with me and some of the students about what it means to be born again.  He is very hard to follow and it is obvious that he isn't mentally sound.  I also talked to Six more about his life and past.  He has such an unbelievable story and continues to dream and move forward. He and some of the other guys that help out are officially "volunteer staff" with COTS.

Next we took the group to the CNN center for lunch. Then we brought them to Centennial Olympic Park and explained to them the idea behind the homeless walk. We told them to meet us at Woodruff Park at a certain time and to not ask cops or Ambassadors for directions.  Six went with one of the groups, and told us later that a security guard downtown stopped him and the group. He thought Six was leading them into trouble or trying to hustle them and Six had to explain that he was with COTS and supposed to be with them. 

We went back to the office for a bit and hung out with Josh some more.  He called his dad and started asking questions about when was the first time he was hospitalized and medicated (he says he hasn't seen his dad in years).  Then Jenny had a chance to talk with his dad on the phone which was such a blessing.  We all got to learn a little more about him from a clearer perspective.  His dad explained to Jenny that Josh was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and schizophrenia four years ago. He has been in hospitals and treated, often against his will. His family is trying to help him, but he refuses to acknowledge that he has a problem.  He continually told me that he is "normal" and he is afraid if he goes to the hospital that doctors will misdiagnose him.  He walked with us to Woodruff and Jenny spent the whole 40 minutes trying to convince him that mental disorders, just like physical illness, is a real problem, and to listen to doctors. But he doesn't see the reasoning, and doesn't want anyone telling him what is wrong with him or any doctors telling him to take medicine.  It just made me really sad and frustrated.  On the one hand I was so excited to know more of his story from his parents.  But now to know that he has been fighting, or rather denying, this diagnosis for four years is really discouraging.  Josh is 22. He is my age and actually does have a family that wants to help him.  Most guys we meet on the street are older and have strained or severed family relationships.  Josh's life could look completely different with a few simple steps.  But you can't force someone to acknowledge that they have a mental disorder.  

When we got to the park (one group making it a mere one minute before the deadline) we hung out here for about an hour, playing chess and talking.  Safe House had a group so I saw Julie and Trell and little Jordan. It was good to see them and really fun to play with Jordan again if only for a few minutes.  I also saw Kennedy. One of the students from the last group, Grant, had met Kennedy three years ago and has been praying for him since.  Grant came back to COTS every year but didn't see Kennedy again until this year.  Kennedy just recently got a job, which is what Grant has specifically been praying for.  That was cool for me to step into that story and just feel encouraged in the middle of a long day.  

After Woodruff we went to Underground for dinner and a little down time.  Before heading back to debrief,  we stopped and talked to Jeff, Reggie, and some of the other guys that sleep in front of a church.  Letting the groups chat with these folks, I mostly hung back and ended up talking to Six a little more.  He told me more about the gang that he was a part of and how it operates.  Six says these guys still want him around and have even offered him a nice paying job, but he doesn't want to be in that life anymore.  It just struck me that there is this whole other world going on all around me that I don't know anything about or even realize exists.  It blows my mind.  Working on the streets I am tempted to think I'm seeing the full picture that most people miss, but I'm not. And as Andy likes to say the guys we hang around are the "domesticated"-- guys that are used to drive-by ministries and other people coming in from outside.  But there is more to this city and more to people's stories that I get to see most of the time.  

Just One of Those Days

Well we had a bit of slow week following the mission teams.  I'm having trouble even remembering what we did.  Monday we took off for some needed rest and catching up on reading. Tuesday was a lot of studying in the morning then we swung by Retreat and read some in Piedmont Park.  Wednesday walked the parish and spent most of the time up at the lot. I talked mostly with Holiday, who always seems a bit drunk but keeps conversation.  He was explaining to me about how his mom was a maid and basically raised the kids of this white family, and how that was so common for his generation.  He was also telling the others guys to respect me and "talk normal" to me, which was sweet.  Plus two different groups came and handed out sack lunches. The guys started giving us some of there food, there was so much.
Thursday we went back to Retreat after class in the morning.  I saw Steven. He looks good, but he says he is bipolar and has been depressed for about a week now that he is not self medicating with drugs. But he was on his way to pick up his medication.  I spent most of my time talking with Adrian about theology, which was frustrating as usual.  It was nice to talk about something real, talk about God and not something so light. However it was lots of me getting preached to again.  I was in a pretty tired mood when we left, telling Lauren (who also wasn't feeling to great) that is was one of those days.  Then we headed out to the lot for a while.  I talked to Mike who had missed his doctor's appointment for his leg.  I called Grady with him to get him a new appointment.  It was nice to be able to do something for him, and know him well enough to trust that he wasn't going to run off with my phone.  He was very grateful, but I know I'm going to have to be on him to make sure he takes this appointment seriously and actually shows up.  Then I talked with Eddy and Jenny for a good bit. I've met Eddy a few times but haven't talked to him all that much.  He is great. He talked to us about his time in the Navy and about how much he values education.  He loves science and animals and we talked and we talked about the Discovery channel and travel.  He really turned my day around.  We just had fun and talked about everything.

Today we did some errands before the mission team arrived in the afternoon.  Then we just went over what COTS is and some rules and took them out to the street.  It is a smaller group which makes things easier and everyone is really nice and open to the experience.  Being out today I ran into a bunch of guys (and a few woman) that I know. One guy, William, kept saying how we are out there all the time and we are just one of the neighborhood.  It felt really good to really be amongst friends, to see again that people do know us and welcome us in.  Today was a strange start to a mission trip. I think tomorrow will be better at the park when the group can really dive in.

Rolling in the Deep

Wow, this week has gone by fast though it's been chalked full.  Yesterday (Thursday) we started out by walking part of the Belt line, a proposed trail that will go around the city where old train tracks used to be and homeless guys would sleep. Big John led us, and he is great. He knows absolutely everyone: homeless guys, rock stars, politicians--everyone.  It was a long walk and we didn't come across many guys, because they have all been cleared out for the construction. (We did come upon one fort that looked identical, only smaller, to the fort in "Where the Wild Things Are.") The team was good though and hardly complained at all.  After lunch at Little 5 we had a block party in a low income apartment complex.  This was definitely a highlight of the week for me.  We brought a football, and soccer ball and some chalk and just played with maybe 60 kids.  We had some water fights and got our hair braided and just had a blast.  There was no rim on one of the basketball hoops, and so for some of the smallest boys I let them shoot the ball through by arms, bending if necessary, as a makeshift net.  It was so obvious just by their actions that these kids were starving for attention.  One girl mentioned to one of our leaders that 15 people sleep in her apartment and there are only 2 kids. Though these children had homes they are clearly some of our "vulnerable neighbors." Kids are kids wherever and piggyback rides and a soccer ball will make the whole afternoon.  After the block party we had dinner and debriefing.

Today we started the day at the MLK jr. Center.  I've been before but still really enjoyed it. I think most of the students got something out of going.  Calling it a "museum" makes it sound boring and antiquated, but I think they all saw how relevant King's struggle regarding race and other forms of oppression still are.  Next we had a picnic at Renaissance Park.  It was great-- like saturdays but multiplied by 30.  All kinds of people eating, playing, talking together.  These kids that had been shy Tuesday were in the middle of it all.
I was getting frustrated because I seemed to be having conversations that didn't mean anything, one in particular with a woman who kept telling me about these specific paranoid conspiracies regarding certain shelters in the city, which I know are not true.  But I'm not about to argue with her about this.  I had also been scolded earlier by a crazy woman for only providing PB&Js and not sandwiches with meat.  When I told her we (COTS) didn't have the money she said that was a lie, that I'm white and she's black so I should provide that for her.  But she is obviously not mentally sound so again, I'm not going to stand there and argue about sandwiches with her.  Throughout the week I have had some good conversations, but have had a ton of surface level stuff, sports, music, chess, weather, and had been looking for something a bit more.  Gary told that he thinks it's about time that I (and the interns in general) start to push people more.  When you care about someone you aren't going to let them continue to hurt themselves, or tell you lies or excuses.  I believe this is true.  Especially with the people that I see regularly.  But 1) there are tons of people that I meet once and may never see again and 2) even the people I see over and over, I may have had largely more surface level conversation.  I've been trying so hard not to feed into the stereotype of going out looking to "save" or change people. I want to just make them feel human and loved. I want to show that I have absolutely no agenda, so if they want to share their story I would love to hear it, but if not I will talk about football. So I talk about whatever and don't always push for something deeper.  But I need to.  I saw students today talking to people I have known for weeks now and having amazing experiences with them, learning things about them that I haven't ever heard.  They know they have only a week, so they don't have time for surface level conversation and have to dive in.  I do deeper relationships with some guys, don't get me wrong, but I am too easily satisfied with the light stuff.

After the picnic we walked around our parish and then over to Wooduff, where it miraculously did not rain.  This was a nice day.  After yesterday, everyone was ready to hit the streets and talk to guys some more.  Then we went back to RA and had joint debriefing over the whole week.  It was great to hear everyone's stories, some incredible, but Andy explained that while these moments are great it's the in between mountaintops that really makes up ministry. We need to hold on to those moments but know that the bulk of the work is the day to day time where you don't see tears or transformations.  We also talked about how getting excited and feeling good is nice, but feelings aren't central... It's what we do, how we live that matter.
Then I got to sit in on some of Silverdale's (the great group worked with) team meeting and hear them lift each other up and encourage each other, and us.  It was a great first mission team experience. As Jenny said, it set the bar high.  However, all that being said, I'm also exhausted.

Walk this Way

Tuesday was our first day with the mission teams. After prayer we drove to Stone Mountain.  Before the climb Andy talked to the group about community and how to talk to a homeless person (ie how to talk to any human).  Then after we reached the top he compared the climb to the Christian walk, and how as a community we have to work together and not simply race ahead like many people did, leaving the others behind.  It was a nice lesson but mostly I liked getting out of the city (which we also talked about and continue to read about in this dreadful book "The Meaning of the City").  After lunch we split up the two churches and walked around the city: our group went to Woodruff Park.  I was nervous about being in charge at first, in case something went wrong but everything went well. Actually everyone had a great first experience. I got to talk with some guys too which I wasn't sure if I would be able to do.  After dinner we walked through our parish, over by Pine and Renaissance.  As we were walking through I was leading some people down the hill and I heard my name being called so I turned around and Will is standing there shouting my name! It was so good to see him, but even better to know he was happy to see me. It had been a while since we'd talked, so 1- good to know that he is alright and 2- good to know that he enjoys seeing me around.  It's something we talk about all the time, everyone wants to belong and feel loved. Generally speaking I think I'm supposed to make the guys on the street feel that, but it's nice when I get it back.
We talked to some guys I'd never met including Steve. He reads about 4 books a week. We started talking and someone in the group said bringing books had never occurred to her because well it's entertainment, not a necessity.  But the groups are starting to see that just like anyone else these guys like to do certain things for fun: play chess, read, play cards.  And talking to them is just like talking to anyone.  Back at Rescue Atlanta (RA) where they are staying, we had a de-brief session and almost everyone shared some storied about something they had learned or someway they had been impacted throughout the day.  It was amazing.  Conversations that I had been a part of, that didn't phase me, some kids took away some great moment.  It was nice to see a new fervor and excitement to just talk to these guys.

Today our group spent most of the day working at the shelter.  We did tasks like sorting clothes, filing, taking inventory in the bike shop and a few other things.  The kids were all good sports though these weren't always the most exciting activities. In the afternoon we went and hung out with the guys again on the street.  It's interesting knowing that I probably have time to get to know these guys but the group doesn't. So where I would normally have a conversation on very surface level stuff at first, now I am thinking about how to advance it to make the most out of the time. I'm still without an agenda, I'm not trying to save them or convince them of anything but trying to realizing I should probably try to really get to know them faster.  We went over to Centennial Olympic Park, talked for a bit and Andy explained the task of the afternoon.  The groups had to meet us at Krispy Kreme by only asking directions of homeless guys-- no cops, no smart phones.  This is to let them get just a tiny taste of the fear of arriving at a city and having to find a place to stay, eat, and find work.  The added plus was that a storm was coming in, so if you didn't go quick you would get poured on (which a few people got to experience).  We talked about it afterwards and it seemed like they enjoyed it (though it turned more into a race than it was meant to be).  I can see already in 2 days how perceptions are changing. Now the real hope is that people can bring this home to their own neighborhood when this week is over.

Fresh Meat

So to catch up briefly, last week friday was a day of errands and book discussion.  But among our errands we just stopped by Retreat to drop off some things.  We didn't even go in the building, but we ran into this guy A.J. in the parking lot.  He is from Nicaragua and I actually talked about Nicaragua with him for a bit in Spanish.  Then he started talking to the group (in English) and telling us some of his story.  He was in some accident and paralyzed when he was 17, and the whole time he was in the hospital this one woman who he didn't know would come pray for him. He said he didn't believe in God but at some point had nowhere else to turn, and told this woman that he would put his faith in Christ.  The next day he got up and walked to the nurses' desk asking about the woman.  They told him there had never been a woman and that they keep logs of everyone who enters and exits. It was an incredible story that caught me off guard. It's not something you hear everyday. He explained that since then, he has gotten into drugs and made plenty of bad choices and doesn't know where God is this time.  He said he loved Retreat and wants to continue to learn about the word and seek God.  He asked us to pray for him so we all prayed in the parking lot.  This was something none of us expected that day, but beautiful.
Saturday was good and pretty standard: some snow cones, some chess (6 let me win this time).

Today after prayer we set out for the lot.  On our way, we ran into a guy, Sheldon, who has a job and is looking to move out of the shelter. We talked to him about some options and he got really excited that everything is falling into place.  He said he had been asking God for help and there we were.
After he left  I ended up talking to these 2 brothers, James and Brandon, for hours.  They were from Florida and had been at the shelter for 20 days.  They are very determined, and because they chose to leave home for certain reasons, they have a different perspective than many of the other guys I meet that are forced to the streets.  They have some wild ideas that I don't always agree with but I thoroughly enjoyed our conversation and Brandon even drew me a picture.  They explained that because they don't carry themselves as homeless most people don't think they are, especially if they walk around Tech's campus.  But to them the whole experience is a struggle that is teaching them about putting their faith in God and breaking down their pride.  So though they admit that it's hard, they see even as they walk through this situation, that is could be a good thing in some way.  I hope I run into them again.


Then after reading for a few hours and meeting as a team we headed to Rescue Atlanta to meet the mission teams, one group of high schoolers and the other high school/middle school.  They seem like a really good bunch so far. Though it is early mornings and late nights, I'm excited for the change of pace this week, and hope it will refresh me.

A Look at the Allies

In the past few days I've gotten to take a closer look at a couple more organizations in the city that offers services to the homeless.

Tuesday we set our own morning schedules and decided to split up. Jesse and I went to check out the Open Door while the others headed over to Retreat. Upon arrival I had planned on walking in and asking about the various programs and maybe a tour, but I never got that far. I stopped to talk to a few guys on the steps and never made it in the house. I mostly talked to two formerly homeless guys who still come around. One man, Ben, went on about the trap of hopelessness, what he calls the rim (what I had talked about with Dallas). I asked him how he managed to get out of that cycle. He explained that he used go watch people go to Felini's across the street, just like how I may watch tv: this was his entertainment. And one day he just got sick of it and realized: I want that. I want to be able to go out and eat at restaurants. To be out and part of society. So he started volunteering at the Open Door and eventually got a landscaping job and an apartment. I talked to some other guys. They were all interested in why I was out there and what I thought the problem was with homelessness. And they all offered their views, some of which were very much centered on being included in society, in community once again. We talked for a bit and as I was about to go inside, they started serving lunch and the crowds filled the door way. I did find that they offer meals a few days a week, showers at certain times and various other programs. They have a worship service and dinner on sunday evenings, which I plan on checking out soon.

So Jesse and I headed to the Retreat. Steven stopped by. He looks good, clean, and rested. He handed Gary a letter, explaining how happy and grateful he is to have Gary in his life. He said he never would have imagined going to a church or anything for help, but it's a good thing he was hungry that day he passed by. We only talked for a minute then he had to get back.

I met a few new people including a guy, Andre, who is from New York but has also lived in Denver. So we talked about Denver a bunch, and his travels, his family, just small talk really. I also talked more with Rebecca. After we left Retreat, we went to meet with Andy and learned that one of the women, Detroit, who was coming to Retreat regularly but hadn't been for a while, had to leave in an ambulance because of abdominal pain. Please keep her in your prayers, for her health now and general safety out on the street.

At our meeting we discussed our book and upon it's completion we have finished our first course of these intern program. This final book was written in regards to living with and working with people with mental disabilities, but the ideas of inclusion and value hold just as true with the homeless, so it led to good discussion.

Wednesday we spent all day at the Metro Atlanta Task Force for the Homeless, more commonly known as the shelter on Peachtree and Pine. The morning we spent simply talking with the director and some other staff members. They explained their programs and vision and we asked tons of questions. It was insightful to listen to their perspective, as the only thing I know about the shelter is what I hear on the street. So we sorted through some of the rumors and got down to how things really run on the ground. Currently the shelter is in a legal battle with the city and will be in court tomorrow (friday). I don't know what the official charges are, but it has to do with police discriminating and arresting people, many of whom are trying to go into a public food court around the corner. But this is certainly not the only dispute with the city. This shelter has prime real estate on Peachtree and midtown would like to see it used for something other than housing the homeless. Many neighbors complain too about the shelter, but the director and staff are adamant that they are not going anywhere. They also do not record and share clients information with other agencies, as was recently ordered by the state. So due to one or all of these things, the shelter no longer receives any public funding, which it desperately needs.

I had envisioned the shelter as this institution that enables the homeless to remain where they are not have to move toward anything more permanent. While it certainly can do this, it actually offer much more and truly tries to help people up out of the cycle. It has tons of resident volunteers who are living in the shelter but have security or administrative duties that make the place run. It also has transitional housing, and various programs like and art studio, computer classes, and bike shop that are there to help people work toward something more. The shelter however never tries to push people to move or change before they are ready themselves, so many people will stay there and be stagnant.

Next we went on a tour of the facilities, which was eye opening, both to see how much they offer (the place is huge) and also how poor the conditions are. The main sleeping room holds I think 500 guys. It is just packed full of bunk beds and has horrible lighting. Currently there is no AC, so the building is steaming.

After the tour we were put to work in different areas. I work along side a weekly volunteer typing resumes for people. They had filled out a form with basic information and we clean it up and use a more professional format. It was actually nice to directly contribute to something for someone who is clearly making an effort to make positive changes in their lives. But I didn't get to interact with these people. I was just behind a desk. Overall I think the shelter does good work, but it has it's issues and shortcomings like any organization.

Today after prayer Andy took the girls out for coffee (and the boys in the afternoon) just to check up on us and have us reflect on our experience thus far. We talked about our impressions and frustrations as well as things we have learned from the readings. I explained that I am afraid of "burning out" by the end of the summer. After a while, conversations and stories start to sound alike and when people aren't actually changing I'm afraid by the end of the summer I will be tired and cynical. But Andy says mission teams help with this. You almost get to see things anew as they see them for the first time. I also explained just how frustrating it is to be either preached at or told what I'm doing, as if people know exactly why I'm out on the street. Sometimes they think I'm wasting my time, sometimes they think I'm out there preaching and they think that's wonderful. Either way I hate that they think they know what I'm doing without talking to me about it.

These exact two things happened today. First when Lauren and I went out to the street we talked to a regular, Mike, and some of his friends. We laughed and just had fun. One guy who introduced himself as Brother James, quoted scripture to me and then basically gave me a sermon on it. I appreciate his passion for the word, but he made no effort to know me or understand where I am coming from or my background in scripture. He just went off.

Then as we were heading out we began talking to another man. At first the conversation seemed great. He asked us questions, why we come out to the street and what we think the real problem of homelessness is. He was all about honesty, and really wanted to know what we were about. We explained what COTS is all about, getting to know people and be in community with them--not just assuming they are hungry. He believes the problem is a personal thing, of individual ambition, not a problem with society. We talked for a while and suddenly it was like everything we had told him went out the window. He told us we need to be compassionate, to change our approach. We need to get to know people's individual problems and situations and not just give out sandwiches. I was so irritated! Here he was telling us all about honesty and getting to know people, but he wasn't listening to us, nor would he share anything personal with us, not even his name. I walked away with a bad taste in my mouth. In the past 30 minutes, I had been preached at (at, not even really to), judged, told I was lacking compassion and immoral, and anything I had to say to the contrary was basically ignored.

Then after I cooled down a little I thought, well that pretty much sums up how we normally treat the homeless. They are preached at, judged as being immoral, told they are lazy, and not listened to. That is if they are acknowledged at all. So I suppose I can stand it for one afternoon.

Taking Games Seriously

Today after prayer we went over to Woodruff Park. We arrived as the big chess pieces (about 2 feet tall) were being set up. So I looked for a partner and took advantage of the open board. I found someone to play with, but he not only beat me easily, he spend the whole time talking on his cellphone. Thus I did not get the conversation I was looking for, so I went to go watch another game but was stopped by a guy who was talking with Lauren. The three of us chatted and another man joined us. We talked about a wide variety of topics including the seemingly widespread myth that if people can just get to Atlanta, they will find a job, which has brought so many people here from all over the country. Soon Ed came and joined us. We talked for a bit, and as conversation slowed I pulled out a deck of cards that I always have in my bag. We started to play one of my favorite games, Spades. We talked some as we played but not a ton. I thought to myself, "This doesn't feel like work. I should be trying to talk about important things, or doing more..." But really this is community. You don't have a life changing conversation every time you hangout with your friends. Some times all you need is to play a game and enjoy each other's presence. In fact not "doing" anything probably reinforces my comfort and ease in the area, and that my intent is not to change everyone. So today at work, I played cards with guys in the park.

After lunch we walked back to the office and talked more about mission teams and our schedule for the next few weeks. Our first 2 groups are middle school kids. I pray that they will really understand what COTS is about and not just have a 1 week high only to forget it as soon as they get on the bus home. I pray too that I will have patience and be able to teach and lead effectively. We ended the day with a sobering conversation about this line of work and change. Andy said that this job is about being with the broken. The exceptions are the ones that enter rehab or restore ties with their families. The hurt, brokenness, and complacency are the norm.

"Hate isn't born, it's taught"

So Saturday on the Streets yesterday was great. It began as a slow day. At St. Paul's I started talking to someone and it just seemed like force conversation. Then at the park I started talking to these two guys, Dallas and William. We talked about books and movies and then about some of their past and their lives right now. Conversation was so easy and natural, just like friends anywhere talking. They asked why we come out here. I explained that we are not out here to "save" or to change anyone, but just to get to know and befriend our neighbors--to bridge a distance that has been made. And from here we talked about racism for a while. These were two homeless black men, one 40 and the other about 57. They were explaining simply how ridiculous racism is, but not in a hostile or defensive way. They never blamed "the white man" for the situation they are in; in fact they took total responsibility. Dallas said he had never seen a white person in real life (only on tv) until he was 12, and that he heard how awful they were. But once he actually got out in the world and made friends he realized that was all crap. He says he doesn't see race now. Then William went on to explain some of his experiences and said, "Hate isn't born, it's taught." This isn't revolutionary, but for some reason it just hit me hard today. And it's not true just with racism, but also with perception of homelessness, ignorance, or anything else that divides society. People aren't born thinking they are above others, it is taught by family or even just the shape society. Then we went on to talk about homelessness, their experiences in the shelter and on the street, and the cycle of hopelessness that so many get trapped in. After living in the shelter at Pine for years many people just give up. They don't have to ever leave. Going to the lot, they can get meals, clothes, alcohol and drugs if they want... There is a sense of security. Dallas went on about how smart some of these guys are too. Some have college or post-grad degrees. But due to one thing or another they are trapped in this sense of hopelessness. Then there are people really trying to get out of this cycle but who can't seem to break through. It was a great, open conversation, I almost didn't want to leave (but it was ridiculously hot and time to pack up...). As I headed out I asked if there was anything they wanted prayer for (expecting to pray for it later) and Dallas said for their health. He motioned like he wanted to pray right then so 4 of us took hands and prayed there in the park. It was a good day.

A Slow Learning Curve

Sorry I have not updated in a while. I've been working too much to sit and write about working.

Wednesday was another "set your own schedule" day, so after morning prayer we just walked around the neighborhood. We split up into 2 and 3; a mob of 5 white college age kids with backpacks walking together is a not conducive to good, honest conversation most of the time. So Jesse and I set off our own way in the heat. We talked to a few guys on the bridge, one whom I knew from a previous Saturday, so I called him over by name which I think surprised him a little. We chatted for a bit but he was on his way to meet a friend and get out of the heat (it was already scorching at 10am). We then went to St. Luke's park and talked to the same man, Emmanuel, about polyethylene and materials. He is a little out there, well quite gone actually, but his technical language is amazing and his stories are consistent if nothing else. We then went and sat down on the sidewalk to see who would approach us for a change. A few people said hey, but there weren't many people around, again everyone was trying to get out of the heat, so we went in for lunch. We had a great conversation about this job, is it worth it, and guilt, but I will get back to that later.

Back on the street we decided to head the other direction this time, down Ponce de Leon. We didn't stop and talk to many people, but it was still nice to get a better feel for the area. On the way back we stopped and talked to some guys. One guy asked Jesse for water and he said he didn't have any. Then he asked Jesse to buy him some McDonald's and Jesse again, politely said no, but sat down and talked with him and the guy didn't dwell on it or try to pick a fight but actually engaged in conversation. It seems just a natural thing to ask for these things from people who he knew could provide them, especially when most people say yes or just avoid eye contact all together. But Jesse broke down those expectations and tried getting to know the person beyond his basic needs. Anyway while they talked I talking to this other man, Larry, from Arizona. He noticed the "sH2Ow Some Love Shirt" I had on, so we ended up talking about Africa some and then about Arizona and Atlanta. Then a friend of ours from the street came up and offered to buy Jesse and I lunch, but seeing as how we had already eaten and he was clearly drunk, we turned him down. But since he was drunk and bothering the other guys we walked away and back to the office.

Andy came in shortly after us and we asked him about some of the things that we had discussed over lunch. I had said to Jesse that sometimes (on an almost daily basis) I ask myself, what am I doing? What is the point of just talking to these guys? They have needs and I am going to have a conversation with them and may never see them again... But I do believe in COTS mission and as I saw with Jesse earlier, the importance of moving away from just delivering physical things to this demand (as Andy would call it, being a personal ATM) and actually interacting with people. There are services out there for food, clothing and all that. That's not what I'm here for. I am here to be a friend. So then we talked about how weird our internship is. Really COTS shouldn't even exist because everyone should be with and for their most vulnerable neighbors naturally. But since that isn't the world me live in, COTS is here to break that cycle of broken community.

We also talked about guilt and not feeling guilty saying no every once in a while.

Overall the day was hot and frustrating but I can feel these questions that have been lingering really surface.

Thursday we spent the whole day at Safe House, a parter organization of COTS. We worked with Ken in the Problem Solvers office which deals with crisis needs (people looking for somewhere to stay, food, baby products, ect, urgently). This office also has a phone and a mail center, so people who have no home can have an address to receive mail. Besides the fact that there were a few too many of us doing the work that 2 or 3 people could have done, it was a good experience and showed me more of the resources and how to find additional help. It was actually quite humbling to see how much I don't know, and see that even after being on the streets these few weeks and learning so much there are still so many organizations, resources, and processes I know nothing about. A homeless volunteer came in and worked with us and brought her 2 year old son Jordan. We interns, especially Jenny and I, probably spent more time with Jordan than doing actual office work. I figured it was probably nice for him to get attention and play, also it kept him out of the way. Plus he's great and I had a fun playing with him. It was strange to spend the day inside, and though I talked to guys as I searched for their mail, it was a different experience talking to them indoors while doing a task rather than out on the street. It is inherently rushed and surface conversation. I was providing a service; when they got their mail (or not) they were done and left. Unlike on the street where the object is conversation itself, and not limited by other tasks.

At about 6 we headed over to the lot for Thursday night hotdogs. We just hung out for a bit. I didn't see some of the guys I normally see. I talked to a few guys but as the vans pulled up everyone headed over for the food. This whole experience (that of a "drive-by church") wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but then again I didn't stay for the service. I didn't actually see tracks (little booklets about the Bible) being handed out though I heard they were. There was tons of food, but the church kids would go around handing it out and really not saying anything to the guys. I talked to 6 and Tony and some of the guys from Retreat. I even ran into a guy, Mark, that I met one of the first saturday I came about 5 months ago. Some of the people assumed I was with this church (of course) and would ask me about the food or program and I would explain that I had no idea. This is a bit frustrating, but understandable. Before the actual preaching part started 4 of us interns left for dinner, and then marathon reading!

Today we didn't actually spend any time on the street. After prayer we discussed the reading and that lead to some good conversation and questions about truth, justice, and forgiveness. My head was hurting a bit trying to understand all of the philosophical concepts behind simple words like "truth", but I enjoy wrestling with it. We talked more about the topics of the day before, saying no, and guilt. I have issues with this, more than I realized. I always tell people on the street that I'm from Atlanta (which is true) but when they ask where I try to avoid saying Buckhead. I feel guilty and smug just saying it. When I say Atlanta I can see people's reactions, often I can see barriers fall because I'm from here, their neighborhood. On the other hand when I have been backed into a corner and say Buckhead, it feels like walls go up-- there is an immediate disconnect. "You are just another rich kid from Buckhead, what are you doing here?" I can almost hear them think. But this is who I am. If I want to actually have friendships with these guys I need to let them in and be honest with them. Not boastful, but not deceitful either.

Later we broke for lunch (at Chico and Chang, a classy Mexican/Chinese restaurant that we have been eyeing...) then ran some errands. When we got back Andy talked to us about what we do with mission teams, the first 2 groups come week after next. Even the idea of mission teams with COTS is strange so we talked about why we do this and what it means. I'm kind of excited for groups to come; though my focus is the men and women on the street, it will be interesting to have a new role and schedule. But I feel responsibility, not just to keep them safe or teach them anything, as much as simply to already be committed and have established a presence in the community here. These teams are an extension of the interns so if I don't already have relationships to established I cannot possibly lead or show these kids in any way.

I feel like I have learned this week. But every time I learn or start to grasp one thing I become aware of just how much more I don't know or understand. It has been good to stop and think through some of these ideas, but I'm excited for Saturdays on the Street tomorrow--to get back out and hang out with these guys.

Hitting the Books

Monday, (yes we worked on Memorial Day, however it was a short day) was a "set your own schedule day" so after prayer we went to Retreat. Gary's talk was great. We talked about prayer, but the main thing I took away was just how I so often think and talk about God, and serving and loving him. But how rarely am I just overcome with passion, with "agape" for the Lord! I speak of great love and surrender but do I feel or show it?

After the talk J.B gave me a note from Steven, which made me really excited that we can continue to communicate while we is going through rehab. He just said he wanted to keep talking to keep having positive influences in his life. So I wrote him back a little note and verse.

I spent most of the morning talking with (or rather listening to...I think I got 3 words in) Walter. He talked about his nephew and his high school friend that he helped turn her life around and get back into the church. Gary brought to our attention, us female interns, that we should really be intentional about seeking out women and building relationships with them, rather than mostly men. This is fairly hard for me. Besides the drastically disproportionate numbers of men and women, I find the woman to mostly be either very bitter and difficult to talk to, or just very quite altogether. But, I have been keeping that in mind and tried my best today. I talked with one lady, who didn't seem to interested but was pleasant so we talked for a while. Then I sat down by Rebecca, whom I have met before. She is sweet and clear headed. She is not all that forthcoming, but she also just looked tired so who knows.

I also talked to J.B. for a while. He told me a lot about his life: about high school and partying with the jocks, and then his addiction and sleeping on the street outside the church, then eventually meeting Gary and turning things around with the help of his dad and the Salvation Army. He is a great guy and an beautiful example of how God works in people.

I left pretty early to go read in preparation for our discussion Tuesday (today).

Today, we started late (because Jenny had a great interview to go to!). We ate lunch and had some really good discussion about the book and some about ministry in general-- asking the right question before you just start doing something. We spent pretty much the rest of the day at Atlanta Mission (and walking to and from there). We got a tour and got to understand more about their programs and mission. It seems like a great place for people who are serious about changing. The guy who led us around, Aaron, kept saying how important relationships were, and though they do offer tangible services, that really the relationships and at the end of the day treating these guys as fellow human beings, not just as homeless crack heads, is really what matters.

After the Mission we went to the lot. I met Frank and talked to him for a bit about different things including his daughter who went to Tech. Then we, as interns, had a bit of a run in with a woman who is always at the lot and always angrily cussing people out. She just went off on us today. It's hard to deal with some one who is so inexplicably angry all the time. None of us were even talking to her. But I don't know her story. I would like to...I'd like to talk to her, but she will have none of it for the time being.

(pd: Siente libre escribir un commentario en cualquier idioma si te gusta algo o tengas un piensamiento profundo, o tonto. Los quiero, mis Chilenos)

Friends in All Places

I love running into people I thought I would never see again. This happened over and over again on Friday. It started out as a pretty slow day. We did a lot of studying in the morning, then a friend of Pastor Andy's came and talked to us to give us a "street view" of the neighborhood. And we learned that Steven has officially started his detox program!

Next we walked around Little 5 and ran into Gus, our traveling hippy friend. He played a song for us and told us how much it meant to him that we walk with him the other day and he was sorry for losing his temper. After lunch we went to Hurt park and I talked to Ed for a long time (thought I'd never see him again either). We talked about lots of things, life in general. Then he taught us some quick math tricks. He was obviously happy to be able to teach us, to serve us, as someone who is always being served and talk down to.

After Hurt, we walked over to Woodruff park. Here I talked to 2 guys I had never met, James and Jimmy. James is a poet and shared with me his poem, "Peace of Mind". Jimmy is a singer and sang a few of his songs for me. Afterwards we played some chess (and I lost as usual). While I was talking with these guys, Rodney came over and said hey to me. I was surprised and so happy to see him. We stopped by the lot on our way back and I talked with Cody, I guy I met at the Lutheran church on our first day! He is a great guy. I remembered his bald head, smile, and positive attitude. We again, talked about life, God, everything. It amazes me how often a conversation that starts off "Hey, what's your name" ends up about God.

Saturday was another great sunny day in the park. I met a few guys while Lauren and I picked up trash, but spent most of my time playing cards with a guy from Nigeria. It was fairly uneventful, but a very good day.

Always Something New

Today we started with prayer as always and then spent the morning discussing our readings. Then we headed to Atlanta Union Mission for lunch. Some kids (looked like 13 or 14 years old) were serving the food there. Apparently they were with some school program where they are homeless for a week. Each kid gets $4 a day, a blanket, and a water bottle. They sleep in the playground of an elementary school, meaning they got wet tonight. I was impressed with this program. I've never heard of something for kids that age. We also talked to a regular server. He is going through a personal development program at the Mission and completed 1 year of sobriety today. He was also diagnosed with schizophrenia but has been off his meds and the doctors say he is fine (but he still goes in every 3 months). I have never heard of anyone just getting over schizophrenia...incredible!

Next we headed to the park at St. Luke's. I talked to two guys, one who is not homeless but still comes around to talk to the guys. The other didn't talk at first then launched into a hour long monologue explaining his work in material science. He pulled out complicated diagrams of polymetric something and robots. I honestly didn't understand it, but he is clearly very smart. Then he started getting into all kinds if things that didn't quite make sense.

After the park we went to the office for some reading and intern bonding time. On the way in we ran into Rachel. We just spoke for a brief moment but she said something that stuck with me. She was talking about some author and said she writes about "the hood, something you don't know about." I said I know I don't, but we are trying to learn. To that she replied that it's not something that can be learned, it has to be experienced. I know that I have not been through the same things, or experienced the life of these guys. Sometimes I think, how can I possible relate, or why would they listen to what I have to say. She is right, that I can never fully understand, but I believe there is value is getting to know our neighbors. And I have seen already, that everyone can relate on some level. So I will be there tomorrow to try and understand more.

Just as we were getting ready to head back to the lot, a storm rolled in. We figured no one would be outside but when it stopped raining we went down and chatted with some guys until it started to pour again. Most of the guys we know stay at a shelter, but I know there are so many out on the streets tonight. My heart is just going out to them in this storm.

A Crazy Start

"Sum it up in 3 Words...Love your neighbor"

Ok confession; I'm not into blogging. I didn't want to write a blog, but everyone has been asking me "what is church on the street (COTS)?" and "what do you mean you hang out with homeless people?" and "how is it going?". So I decided this is the best way to keep everyone informed. Unfortunately, because I didn't start right away, I now have a lot to catch up on, so I apologize in advance for this lengthy post.

I've already seen and learned so much in a week and a half. The first few days walking around the Atlanta I feel like I've gotten to really know this city that I have lived in almost my whole life. I'm starting to see it with new eyes. I have met some wonderful people and some crazy people. I've had some conversations about the economy, religion, sports, comic books, drugs, and gotten to hear about people's stories and lives.

Our first real day of the internship we went to a service at a Lutheran church. I talked to some people there but the music was so loud, conversation was hard to carry on. After this service I learned that Pastor Andy had left us and we told to just spend a few hours on the streets. I must say I was intimidated by this charge, but excited to finally get out there. We went down to the lot and I somehow had to make conversation with these strangers. Luckily I quickly ran into Will. I see Will now fairly regularly there. He is 61 and sells cigarettes on the street. Really we have no business being friends, the world would say. But we have great conversations. He's a funny, respectful, clearheaded man. I met some other colorful people; some obviously high, others just burnt-out and cynical, and some delighted to have someone to chat with. It was a great first day.

That night (I believe...my days get a little jumbled) we went to a service at Safe House, where they have a little talk, worship music, and dinner for the homeless. There I met Ed and his dog, Lucky. Ed hitch-hiked to Atlanta from Arizona to help his daughter out of an abusive marriage. It took 2 months and they walked almost the whole way. He told me that every time he was down to his last can of tuna, he prayed to God to sustain him and some how, out of nowhere, strangers would give him food or money. He is now moving on to Florida. I left that night, just encouraged by him but saddened thinking I may never see him again. In fact, I will continue to meet and build relationships with people who I may never see again in my life. This is still something I think about, but I know if it's just one conversation, God can use just that. (I did happen to run in to Ed the other day. He is doing well and riding down to Florida with a friend in a few weeks.)

The next morning after we went to Retreat from the Street, a time of prayer and bible study and yes some food, for the the homeless as well as some guys that aren't homeless but are struggling with different things. This really is just a safe space to escape the hectic, dangers of the world, and grow spiritually. It started out a little crazy and unfocussed, but once bible study got going I was surprised at how intent these folks were to learn more. I could just see their thirst for the word. Some lively discussion broke out that Gary (COTS staff who leads Retreat) let go to a point and the guys resolved it among themselves. After Bible study officially ended people kept reading the Bible, talking about God, and discussing.

I talked to a bunch of guys here. One man, Adrienne, preached to me for a while about spiritual gifts. He has an incredible knowledge of the Bible and scripture, but jumps around a lot. I talked to a bunch of other guys, some about God (and heard some questionable theology...) and some just about life and their struggles. I also met Jim Shriver (who writes "a beer for breakfast". The link is to your right, take a look) and heard his story of how he got involved with the homeless. The phrase he uses on his blog is "comforting the distressed and distressing the comfortable" which I absolutely love.

Friday morning we talked about the books we as interns are reading, as a study on theology and homelessness. In the afternoon we walked around more, to Centennial Olympic Park and the CNN center and finally Woodruff park. This is park by 5 points where a bunch of people (homeless and otherwise) come and play chess or just hang out. I got to talking to a guy named Rodney for a long time. We talked about everything. He assumed I was there to preach to him, as many people like me who come to the park do. So, he jumped in and started talking about God and religion. He does not subscribe to any religion, but follows the Bible, Qur'an, and Torah. We agreed on somethings but disagreed a many more. Still we were able to have an honest conversation about it. Eventually he asked me, "So are you studying to be a preacher or what" and I explained I go to Georgia Tech and am not with any church or any group out to "save" him. So we talked about life some more, about me school and about him in his current situation. A guy started handing out sandwiches and Rodney went to get one. We continued talking and he said to me, "I'm thankful for this, don't get me wrong, but at the end of the day I'm still under the bridge." He went on to explain the problem of homelessness is in the lack of accountability and community. This was so encouraging to hear. he was saying things that COTS is centered around.  

After Woodruff we headed to St. Paul's and sorted through clothes, then it was off to the lot. I sat next to a guy named Henry, who bluntly said something to the effect of "Why are you here? I already know everything you are going to tell me. I asked him "what do you think I'm here to tell you?" and he replied "Jesus and all that". I said I would talk to him about what every he wanted to talk about. So we talked about his family and his past for a bit and then he had to go inside (shelter curfew is 7). In this area people know the gospel. In fact church groups are constantly driving in handing out sandwiches (or hot dogs ;)) and preaching about Jesus and Hell. This community is not starving, and as I mentioned earlier, many of them know about Jesus and can quote scripture at you. Still that is what people think their needs are so when I walk into the lot people assume I am going to preach at them. But I know it meant something to Henry that I sat with him and actually listened for once. He always says hello to me with a smile when he sees me now.

Saturday was wonderful and relaxing. I looked around and just thought this is exactly what community should be. We were a big crew with all sort of backgrounds just playing chess or checkers, talking, and enjoying snow cones on a sunny day. I love my job.

That afternoon we went back to the lot and hung out with Will and those folks. It is nice to be able to see some the same faces day in and day out and actually establish a presence there. People know I'm going to be there tomorrow. I met some new people too. One guy, Ivan, openly declared he was schizophrenic. We talked for a while, some of it clear and but some of it got a little out there. I also met a woman who goes by "Mother Teresa" as well as some other guys. It's frustrating sometimes talking to these guys who are mentally ill. They deserve love and attention just like anyone else but when I can't hold an intelligible conversation I don't know how much good I can do, or if they will even remember tomorrow. All I can do is pray for patience and guidance.

Monday we went back to Woodruff park. I ended up talking to a man named James. He actually isn't homeless (or so he says, and I believe). We talked for a long time, about my studies and travels, and about his work. Then he told me he loves theology and has studied Buddhism, Christianity, and Islam. He even shared some of the Arabic prayers with me. Then we played chess and I met "Montana", a Nigerian doctor who is working to get his license here in Georgia. We talked for a while about Africa and my time in Uganda. He offered to pay for me to go to Nigeria so I could see a different side of Africa, so needless to say I have his contact information.

We walked back to the lot but almost no one was there (as we have learned, it clears out midday because of the heat). Lauren, another intern, and I went to the Renaissance park where we met Randal. He seemed reluctant to talk at first but opened up some. Everything he said though was just so depressing: how he has gotten to this place that life just wasn't worth living. I didn't know what to say. I don't know what he's been through and can't imagine how hard his life really is. But at the same time I see other guys in similar situations who tell me it's a good day because they are alive. So I just sat and listened to him until he left to buy a coke. Some times I see these guys who say they hate their life, they want something better for themselves but then they make no real effort to change (this isn't everyone but it is some people). I get so frustrated but then I remember I have never been through anything like what they have been through or are going through whether it was bad luck or bad choices it doesn't matter. I'm not saying they have an excuse to be complacent, but I do need to show grace regardless.

Tuesday at Retreat I talked to Steven, who I have met a few times before but we really got to talk this time. He told me about his struggle with addictions and about his family and the hurt they have caused him. He went on to explain that if he had the money he would just live on a yacht and completely isolate himself from the world so that he wouldn't get attached to anyone. This was hard to hear, being that it goes against everything I am learning from COTS about relationships and community. I told him I could never do that and about how I think relationships are so important but at the same time I don't know the whole story and if he thinks isolating himself and focusing on himself will get him clean then many that is the first step. We then spent a few hours back at the lot with some old friends and meeting some new guys too.

Today we went back to Retreat again and it was great. To see Steven break down and ask forgiveness from those he has manipulated and hurt, and ask God's forgiveness was beautiful. He has decided he is going to turn his life around and is going into detox later this week. Then later during Bible study a woman, Rachel, a hard street lady broke down into tears. She later pulled Gary aside and told him she was "sick and tired of being sick and tired" and wanted help to get her life back on track. It was really moving.

After lunch this guy, Gus, walked in wearing a newsie hat, overalls and no shirt. He is a traveling musician and a Rainbow Kid, this movement that is a continuation of the 1969 summer of love. He travels around, hitch-hiking, catching freight trains, whatever and these rainbow kids have gatherings of thousands of people in parks around the country. Basically they get together, play music, drink, smoke, eat... your standard hippy crowd. He sang a little for us and is great and a nice guy. Anyway, we agreed to walk him to Piedmont park to meet up with his girlfriend. Steven walked with us and obviously was not too fond of Gus's lifestyle. At one point Gus was going on about pot and getting drunk and Steven basically said that's not a good life and not the life he wants. I loved seeing him stand up for what he believes in and even though he's still struggling he knows he wants out and just thinking about drugs kind of disgusted him. He apologized for his kind of aggressive behavior but said us being around was helping him stay clean.

Everyday is a mix of emotions but I'm loving this experience and learning so much. I have loved getting to be in the city and meet people. I am anxious to really build meaningful friendships but I know that will only come with time. I am excited to see what else God has in store. Thank you for reading this far. Until next time.