Fresh Meat

So to catch up briefly, last week friday was a day of errands and book discussion.  But among our errands we just stopped by Retreat to drop off some things.  We didn't even go in the building, but we ran into this guy A.J. in the parking lot.  He is from Nicaragua and I actually talked about Nicaragua with him for a bit in Spanish.  Then he started talking to the group (in English) and telling us some of his story.  He was in some accident and paralyzed when he was 17, and the whole time he was in the hospital this one woman who he didn't know would come pray for him. He said he didn't believe in God but at some point had nowhere else to turn, and told this woman that he would put his faith in Christ.  The next day he got up and walked to the nurses' desk asking about the woman.  They told him there had never been a woman and that they keep logs of everyone who enters and exits. It was an incredible story that caught me off guard. It's not something you hear everyday. He explained that since then, he has gotten into drugs and made plenty of bad choices and doesn't know where God is this time.  He said he loved Retreat and wants to continue to learn about the word and seek God.  He asked us to pray for him so we all prayed in the parking lot.  This was something none of us expected that day, but beautiful.
Saturday was good and pretty standard: some snow cones, some chess (6 let me win this time).

Today after prayer we set out for the lot.  On our way, we ran into a guy, Sheldon, who has a job and is looking to move out of the shelter. We talked to him about some options and he got really excited that everything is falling into place.  He said he had been asking God for help and there we were.
After he left  I ended up talking to these 2 brothers, James and Brandon, for hours.  They were from Florida and had been at the shelter for 20 days.  They are very determined, and because they chose to leave home for certain reasons, they have a different perspective than many of the other guys I meet that are forced to the streets.  They have some wild ideas that I don't always agree with but I thoroughly enjoyed our conversation and Brandon even drew me a picture.  They explained that because they don't carry themselves as homeless most people don't think they are, especially if they walk around Tech's campus.  But to them the whole experience is a struggle that is teaching them about putting their faith in God and breaking down their pride.  So though they admit that it's hard, they see even as they walk through this situation, that is could be a good thing in some way.  I hope I run into them again.


Then after reading for a few hours and meeting as a team we headed to Rescue Atlanta to meet the mission teams, one group of high schoolers and the other high school/middle school.  They seem like a really good bunch so far. Though it is early mornings and late nights, I'm excited for the change of pace this week, and hope it will refresh me.

A Look at the Allies

In the past few days I've gotten to take a closer look at a couple more organizations in the city that offers services to the homeless.

Tuesday we set our own morning schedules and decided to split up. Jesse and I went to check out the Open Door while the others headed over to Retreat. Upon arrival I had planned on walking in and asking about the various programs and maybe a tour, but I never got that far. I stopped to talk to a few guys on the steps and never made it in the house. I mostly talked to two formerly homeless guys who still come around. One man, Ben, went on about the trap of hopelessness, what he calls the rim (what I had talked about with Dallas). I asked him how he managed to get out of that cycle. He explained that he used go watch people go to Felini's across the street, just like how I may watch tv: this was his entertainment. And one day he just got sick of it and realized: I want that. I want to be able to go out and eat at restaurants. To be out and part of society. So he started volunteering at the Open Door and eventually got a landscaping job and an apartment. I talked to some other guys. They were all interested in why I was out there and what I thought the problem was with homelessness. And they all offered their views, some of which were very much centered on being included in society, in community once again. We talked for a bit and as I was about to go inside, they started serving lunch and the crowds filled the door way. I did find that they offer meals a few days a week, showers at certain times and various other programs. They have a worship service and dinner on sunday evenings, which I plan on checking out soon.

So Jesse and I headed to the Retreat. Steven stopped by. He looks good, clean, and rested. He handed Gary a letter, explaining how happy and grateful he is to have Gary in his life. He said he never would have imagined going to a church or anything for help, but it's a good thing he was hungry that day he passed by. We only talked for a minute then he had to get back.

I met a few new people including a guy, Andre, who is from New York but has also lived in Denver. So we talked about Denver a bunch, and his travels, his family, just small talk really. I also talked more with Rebecca. After we left Retreat, we went to meet with Andy and learned that one of the women, Detroit, who was coming to Retreat regularly but hadn't been for a while, had to leave in an ambulance because of abdominal pain. Please keep her in your prayers, for her health now and general safety out on the street.

At our meeting we discussed our book and upon it's completion we have finished our first course of these intern program. This final book was written in regards to living with and working with people with mental disabilities, but the ideas of inclusion and value hold just as true with the homeless, so it led to good discussion.

Wednesday we spent all day at the Metro Atlanta Task Force for the Homeless, more commonly known as the shelter on Peachtree and Pine. The morning we spent simply talking with the director and some other staff members. They explained their programs and vision and we asked tons of questions. It was insightful to listen to their perspective, as the only thing I know about the shelter is what I hear on the street. So we sorted through some of the rumors and got down to how things really run on the ground. Currently the shelter is in a legal battle with the city and will be in court tomorrow (friday). I don't know what the official charges are, but it has to do with police discriminating and arresting people, many of whom are trying to go into a public food court around the corner. But this is certainly not the only dispute with the city. This shelter has prime real estate on Peachtree and midtown would like to see it used for something other than housing the homeless. Many neighbors complain too about the shelter, but the director and staff are adamant that they are not going anywhere. They also do not record and share clients information with other agencies, as was recently ordered by the state. So due to one or all of these things, the shelter no longer receives any public funding, which it desperately needs.

I had envisioned the shelter as this institution that enables the homeless to remain where they are not have to move toward anything more permanent. While it certainly can do this, it actually offer much more and truly tries to help people up out of the cycle. It has tons of resident volunteers who are living in the shelter but have security or administrative duties that make the place run. It also has transitional housing, and various programs like and art studio, computer classes, and bike shop that are there to help people work toward something more. The shelter however never tries to push people to move or change before they are ready themselves, so many people will stay there and be stagnant.

Next we went on a tour of the facilities, which was eye opening, both to see how much they offer (the place is huge) and also how poor the conditions are. The main sleeping room holds I think 500 guys. It is just packed full of bunk beds and has horrible lighting. Currently there is no AC, so the building is steaming.

After the tour we were put to work in different areas. I work along side a weekly volunteer typing resumes for people. They had filled out a form with basic information and we clean it up and use a more professional format. It was actually nice to directly contribute to something for someone who is clearly making an effort to make positive changes in their lives. But I didn't get to interact with these people. I was just behind a desk. Overall I think the shelter does good work, but it has it's issues and shortcomings like any organization.

Today after prayer Andy took the girls out for coffee (and the boys in the afternoon) just to check up on us and have us reflect on our experience thus far. We talked about our impressions and frustrations as well as things we have learned from the readings. I explained that I am afraid of "burning out" by the end of the summer. After a while, conversations and stories start to sound alike and when people aren't actually changing I'm afraid by the end of the summer I will be tired and cynical. But Andy says mission teams help with this. You almost get to see things anew as they see them for the first time. I also explained just how frustrating it is to be either preached at or told what I'm doing, as if people know exactly why I'm out on the street. Sometimes they think I'm wasting my time, sometimes they think I'm out there preaching and they think that's wonderful. Either way I hate that they think they know what I'm doing without talking to me about it.

These exact two things happened today. First when Lauren and I went out to the street we talked to a regular, Mike, and some of his friends. We laughed and just had fun. One guy who introduced himself as Brother James, quoted scripture to me and then basically gave me a sermon on it. I appreciate his passion for the word, but he made no effort to know me or understand where I am coming from or my background in scripture. He just went off.

Then as we were heading out we began talking to another man. At first the conversation seemed great. He asked us questions, why we come out to the street and what we think the real problem of homelessness is. He was all about honesty, and really wanted to know what we were about. We explained what COTS is all about, getting to know people and be in community with them--not just assuming they are hungry. He believes the problem is a personal thing, of individual ambition, not a problem with society. We talked for a while and suddenly it was like everything we had told him went out the window. He told us we need to be compassionate, to change our approach. We need to get to know people's individual problems and situations and not just give out sandwiches. I was so irritated! Here he was telling us all about honesty and getting to know people, but he wasn't listening to us, nor would he share anything personal with us, not even his name. I walked away with a bad taste in my mouth. In the past 30 minutes, I had been preached at (at, not even really to), judged, told I was lacking compassion and immoral, and anything I had to say to the contrary was basically ignored.

Then after I cooled down a little I thought, well that pretty much sums up how we normally treat the homeless. They are preached at, judged as being immoral, told they are lazy, and not listened to. That is if they are acknowledged at all. So I suppose I can stand it for one afternoon.

Taking Games Seriously

Today after prayer we went over to Woodruff Park. We arrived as the big chess pieces (about 2 feet tall) were being set up. So I looked for a partner and took advantage of the open board. I found someone to play with, but he not only beat me easily, he spend the whole time talking on his cellphone. Thus I did not get the conversation I was looking for, so I went to go watch another game but was stopped by a guy who was talking with Lauren. The three of us chatted and another man joined us. We talked about a wide variety of topics including the seemingly widespread myth that if people can just get to Atlanta, they will find a job, which has brought so many people here from all over the country. Soon Ed came and joined us. We talked for a bit, and as conversation slowed I pulled out a deck of cards that I always have in my bag. We started to play one of my favorite games, Spades. We talked some as we played but not a ton. I thought to myself, "This doesn't feel like work. I should be trying to talk about important things, or doing more..." But really this is community. You don't have a life changing conversation every time you hangout with your friends. Some times all you need is to play a game and enjoy each other's presence. In fact not "doing" anything probably reinforces my comfort and ease in the area, and that my intent is not to change everyone. So today at work, I played cards with guys in the park.

After lunch we walked back to the office and talked more about mission teams and our schedule for the next few weeks. Our first 2 groups are middle school kids. I pray that they will really understand what COTS is about and not just have a 1 week high only to forget it as soon as they get on the bus home. I pray too that I will have patience and be able to teach and lead effectively. We ended the day with a sobering conversation about this line of work and change. Andy said that this job is about being with the broken. The exceptions are the ones that enter rehab or restore ties with their families. The hurt, brokenness, and complacency are the norm.

"Hate isn't born, it's taught"

So Saturday on the Streets yesterday was great. It began as a slow day. At St. Paul's I started talking to someone and it just seemed like force conversation. Then at the park I started talking to these two guys, Dallas and William. We talked about books and movies and then about some of their past and their lives right now. Conversation was so easy and natural, just like friends anywhere talking. They asked why we come out here. I explained that we are not out here to "save" or to change anyone, but just to get to know and befriend our neighbors--to bridge a distance that has been made. And from here we talked about racism for a while. These were two homeless black men, one 40 and the other about 57. They were explaining simply how ridiculous racism is, but not in a hostile or defensive way. They never blamed "the white man" for the situation they are in; in fact they took total responsibility. Dallas said he had never seen a white person in real life (only on tv) until he was 12, and that he heard how awful they were. But once he actually got out in the world and made friends he realized that was all crap. He says he doesn't see race now. Then William went on to explain some of his experiences and said, "Hate isn't born, it's taught." This isn't revolutionary, but for some reason it just hit me hard today. And it's not true just with racism, but also with perception of homelessness, ignorance, or anything else that divides society. People aren't born thinking they are above others, it is taught by family or even just the shape society. Then we went on to talk about homelessness, their experiences in the shelter and on the street, and the cycle of hopelessness that so many get trapped in. After living in the shelter at Pine for years many people just give up. They don't have to ever leave. Going to the lot, they can get meals, clothes, alcohol and drugs if they want... There is a sense of security. Dallas went on about how smart some of these guys are too. Some have college or post-grad degrees. But due to one thing or another they are trapped in this sense of hopelessness. Then there are people really trying to get out of this cycle but who can't seem to break through. It was a great, open conversation, I almost didn't want to leave (but it was ridiculously hot and time to pack up...). As I headed out I asked if there was anything they wanted prayer for (expecting to pray for it later) and Dallas said for their health. He motioned like he wanted to pray right then so 4 of us took hands and prayed there in the park. It was a good day.

A Slow Learning Curve

Sorry I have not updated in a while. I've been working too much to sit and write about working.

Wednesday was another "set your own schedule" day, so after morning prayer we just walked around the neighborhood. We split up into 2 and 3; a mob of 5 white college age kids with backpacks walking together is a not conducive to good, honest conversation most of the time. So Jesse and I set off our own way in the heat. We talked to a few guys on the bridge, one whom I knew from a previous Saturday, so I called him over by name which I think surprised him a little. We chatted for a bit but he was on his way to meet a friend and get out of the heat (it was already scorching at 10am). We then went to St. Luke's park and talked to the same man, Emmanuel, about polyethylene and materials. He is a little out there, well quite gone actually, but his technical language is amazing and his stories are consistent if nothing else. We then went and sat down on the sidewalk to see who would approach us for a change. A few people said hey, but there weren't many people around, again everyone was trying to get out of the heat, so we went in for lunch. We had a great conversation about this job, is it worth it, and guilt, but I will get back to that later.

Back on the street we decided to head the other direction this time, down Ponce de Leon. We didn't stop and talk to many people, but it was still nice to get a better feel for the area. On the way back we stopped and talked to some guys. One guy asked Jesse for water and he said he didn't have any. Then he asked Jesse to buy him some McDonald's and Jesse again, politely said no, but sat down and talked with him and the guy didn't dwell on it or try to pick a fight but actually engaged in conversation. It seems just a natural thing to ask for these things from people who he knew could provide them, especially when most people say yes or just avoid eye contact all together. But Jesse broke down those expectations and tried getting to know the person beyond his basic needs. Anyway while they talked I talking to this other man, Larry, from Arizona. He noticed the "sH2Ow Some Love Shirt" I had on, so we ended up talking about Africa some and then about Arizona and Atlanta. Then a friend of ours from the street came up and offered to buy Jesse and I lunch, but seeing as how we had already eaten and he was clearly drunk, we turned him down. But since he was drunk and bothering the other guys we walked away and back to the office.

Andy came in shortly after us and we asked him about some of the things that we had discussed over lunch. I had said to Jesse that sometimes (on an almost daily basis) I ask myself, what am I doing? What is the point of just talking to these guys? They have needs and I am going to have a conversation with them and may never see them again... But I do believe in COTS mission and as I saw with Jesse earlier, the importance of moving away from just delivering physical things to this demand (as Andy would call it, being a personal ATM) and actually interacting with people. There are services out there for food, clothing and all that. That's not what I'm here for. I am here to be a friend. So then we talked about how weird our internship is. Really COTS shouldn't even exist because everyone should be with and for their most vulnerable neighbors naturally. But since that isn't the world me live in, COTS is here to break that cycle of broken community.

We also talked about guilt and not feeling guilty saying no every once in a while.

Overall the day was hot and frustrating but I can feel these questions that have been lingering really surface.

Thursday we spent the whole day at Safe House, a parter organization of COTS. We worked with Ken in the Problem Solvers office which deals with crisis needs (people looking for somewhere to stay, food, baby products, ect, urgently). This office also has a phone and a mail center, so people who have no home can have an address to receive mail. Besides the fact that there were a few too many of us doing the work that 2 or 3 people could have done, it was a good experience and showed me more of the resources and how to find additional help. It was actually quite humbling to see how much I don't know, and see that even after being on the streets these few weeks and learning so much there are still so many organizations, resources, and processes I know nothing about. A homeless volunteer came in and worked with us and brought her 2 year old son Jordan. We interns, especially Jenny and I, probably spent more time with Jordan than doing actual office work. I figured it was probably nice for him to get attention and play, also it kept him out of the way. Plus he's great and I had a fun playing with him. It was strange to spend the day inside, and though I talked to guys as I searched for their mail, it was a different experience talking to them indoors while doing a task rather than out on the street. It is inherently rushed and surface conversation. I was providing a service; when they got their mail (or not) they were done and left. Unlike on the street where the object is conversation itself, and not limited by other tasks.

At about 6 we headed over to the lot for Thursday night hotdogs. We just hung out for a bit. I didn't see some of the guys I normally see. I talked to a few guys but as the vans pulled up everyone headed over for the food. This whole experience (that of a "drive-by church") wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but then again I didn't stay for the service. I didn't actually see tracks (little booklets about the Bible) being handed out though I heard they were. There was tons of food, but the church kids would go around handing it out and really not saying anything to the guys. I talked to 6 and Tony and some of the guys from Retreat. I even ran into a guy, Mark, that I met one of the first saturday I came about 5 months ago. Some of the people assumed I was with this church (of course) and would ask me about the food or program and I would explain that I had no idea. This is a bit frustrating, but understandable. Before the actual preaching part started 4 of us interns left for dinner, and then marathon reading!

Today we didn't actually spend any time on the street. After prayer we discussed the reading and that lead to some good conversation and questions about truth, justice, and forgiveness. My head was hurting a bit trying to understand all of the philosophical concepts behind simple words like "truth", but I enjoy wrestling with it. We talked more about the topics of the day before, saying no, and guilt. I have issues with this, more than I realized. I always tell people on the street that I'm from Atlanta (which is true) but when they ask where I try to avoid saying Buckhead. I feel guilty and smug just saying it. When I say Atlanta I can see people's reactions, often I can see barriers fall because I'm from here, their neighborhood. On the other hand when I have been backed into a corner and say Buckhead, it feels like walls go up-- there is an immediate disconnect. "You are just another rich kid from Buckhead, what are you doing here?" I can almost hear them think. But this is who I am. If I want to actually have friendships with these guys I need to let them in and be honest with them. Not boastful, but not deceitful either.

Later we broke for lunch (at Chico and Chang, a classy Mexican/Chinese restaurant that we have been eyeing...) then ran some errands. When we got back Andy talked to us about what we do with mission teams, the first 2 groups come week after next. Even the idea of mission teams with COTS is strange so we talked about why we do this and what it means. I'm kind of excited for groups to come; though my focus is the men and women on the street, it will be interesting to have a new role and schedule. But I feel responsibility, not just to keep them safe or teach them anything, as much as simply to already be committed and have established a presence in the community here. These teams are an extension of the interns so if I don't already have relationships to established I cannot possibly lead or show these kids in any way.

I feel like I have learned this week. But every time I learn or start to grasp one thing I become aware of just how much more I don't know or understand. It has been good to stop and think through some of these ideas, but I'm excited for Saturdays on the Street tomorrow--to get back out and hang out with these guys.